30 December 2008

Easier said than done.

My mother has reached the end stages of this disease. While we were hopeful that a bone marrow transplant would prove curative, it has become apparent to her doctors, her family and my mother that there's nothing left to do. She's battled infection after infection exacerbated by her ravaged immune system.

The day after Christmas, her oncologist and infectious disease doctor came to the conclusion that its just cruel to continue to put her through exhaustive chemotherapy and antibiotic treatments when her body is just not responding. She decided that she wanted to spend her last days, weeks, whatever... at home. So she's currently under Hospice Care.

I'm not the kind of person who starts asking "Why? What's the reason for this?" in situations like this. I'm kind of a pessimist - or a realist, as I prefer to call it. So, I'm very okay with the fact that life is hard and very unfair. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen to good people. God can teach us and make us stronger through the tough times, but I never blame Him for any tragedy that befalls any of of His children.

All that being said, this is way more difficult that I could have ever imagined. I greatly appreciate all of the love and support people have given me. God is making his presence very known to me in this situation through the kind words of friends, the unwavering support of my husband, the love of my family and through the insight of my 4-year-old.

Insight of my 4-year-old? Yeah. Its crazy. And its humbling. And amazing. And I'm incoherently rambling now.

I hate this.

Cancer is awful.

4 comments:

Mary Beth said...

We are praying for your mom,Jaime... and lifting up you and your family as well.

Let me know if you ever need me and Brie to come your way and watch the girls.

L0r@ said...

I hate this, too. I love you though, and am so amazed by your strength. I am glad we have each other (all of us)... I could not imagine going through this alone.

- Laura

Lois said...

Jaime, I'm so sorry to read this. I'll be praying for all of you.
Lois and family

Netta said...

Thanks for sharing your honest thoughts. I'm crying... I went through similar things 10 years ago. I'm committing to pray for you, your Mom and all of those around you both.