07 February 2009

Lonely Milestones

Finally, at 15 months, my youngest child, Karis Layne, has begun attempting to walk of her own volition. The routine has been pretty much the following:
1. ) Balance on her feet for a few seconds with a hilarious, gigantic grin on her face which eventually evolves into hysterical giggles.
2.) Crash down on her rear with a big "ooooohhhhhh," like all the air escaped out of her.

However, the past couple of days she's been attempting steps. Its hilarious because she takes them really fast. Most new walkers are very slow and tentative. Not her, its like she's trying to run. As of yesterday, she has about 5 or 6 good solid steps on her own under her belt.

This is all rather exciting to me on several levels 1.) she's 15 months, for crying out loud! and 2.) she's 27 pounds and I honestly don't know how much more my arms and lower back can take of transporting her everywhere she needs to go

But my mom was always the first person I'd call whenever my girls reach a milestone or say/do something spectacular. And I really just want to talk to her about it.

She's been gone almost a month now, and I've gotten to the point where I can go a couple of days without crying. But times like this are really difficult because I feel angry and ripped off and alone. I'm not angry at anyone in particular, obviously. I just get upset that I don't have my mom during the most exciting time off my life so far. (And by her own admission being a grandmother was by far the best chapter of her life).

I don't mean to rewrite history now that she's gone. Things weren't always lunch dates and shopping trips to Target. We had our battles. But the past five years were wonderful. She understood me better than anyone. She listened and never judged. And we were at the stage of our relationship where she only offered advice if I asked for it. Our lives were so different from each other that she didn't alway know what to tell me but we enjoyed each other's company and stories and senses of humor. She was my best friend. And I just really miss my best friend.

Hebrews 12:1 talks about believers being surrounded by a cloud of witnesses as we run the race of life. I don't know exactly who those witnesses are -- some say they are Old Testament forefathers, orthodox Saints, or just believers that have gone on before us.

Well, here's hoping that maybe one of them can get a message to Sue Hatton that her youngest granddaughter just learned to walk.


Mary Beth said...

I am sure she is watching for herself... and cheering Karis on.

Netta said...

I'm crying.
Thanks for being honest.

L0r@ said...