30 March 2009

When it seems like enough is enough...

In case I haven't mentioned it enough on this blog over the past few months, my mom died in January and I'm grieving. (That was supposed to be sarcastic, because that's pretty much all I talk about lately). And while I don't think its an unhealthy grief - I haven't decided to stop showering or taken up neglecting my children or started doing drugs - I have found that it's effecting my day-to-day life in a less than positive way. Especially the past two weeks. I'm crabby all the time, easily irritated and I cry a lot.

And I'm tired of it.

So yesterday, on the way to church, just as the girls in the backseat were on the verge of irritating me (Kayla had taken something from Karis - and of course had an "excellent" reason for doing so - and Karis had commenced shrieking - if you've never heard Karis shriek, consider yourself lucky. She's a banshee), I silently prayed:

"God, I really need to have a good day emotionally. I don't want to be annoyed with my kids. I don't want to cry because I miss Mom. And I've told You this before. So why do I still feel this way? Can you REALLY help me in my sadness??"

And then Kayla said, "Hey, Mom...guess what?"

"What, honey?"

"I'm in love with God today."

And the irritation flew out the window.

I got to church and the worship service was amazing - a terrific mix of new songs and older. Even announcements were great.

Then, Aaron's message was the first in a series on the three crosses at Golgotha. He spoke about how the first cross, that the mocking criminal was crucified on, represents doubt. At the end of the service, everyone took a piece of paper representing something that they've doubted God could take care of and nailed it to the first cross. I nailed my grief to that cross.

And it was hugely powerful.

The afternoon went by without incident (aside from Aaron asking me to iron something that I hadn't planned into my day...we all know how I can get in regards to unplanned circumstances! So, I must confess I was mildly irritated with that).

Then back at church that evening, Chilly Chilton spoke to our ministry team about Becoming a Sycamore Tree. And it was wonderful, and challenging, and encouraging, and funny. He makes me laugh.

Afterward, I met with my team and it was good.

Today has been good. I saved $40 on my grocery bill. I'm washing clothes. I'm kind of tired because we stayed up too late watching something we'd DVRd, but that's okay.

Because I haven't felt irate.

And I haven't cried.

(So maybe this is the beginning of a series of less depressing updates! Yay for you!)

Have a great day!

1 comment:

Netta said...

"I'm in love with God today!"
Oh, that's sweet! (and signs of such loving, Jesus-like parenting!)
We love you guys & Chilly totally enjoyed being with you & your church family.
hugs!