02 March 2010

A letter from a disgruntled city resident

Dear City of Warren,

Your online registration for parks and rec events is extremely frustrating.

I do things online so I don't have to have actual human interaction. I do not want to call your office to "add a household member to my account."

That's why the internet exists - to avoid actually talking to someone. Therefore, I am able to avoid having parks and rec staffers insist that I spelled my last name incorrectly and even after having a 5 minute conversation about how "Yes, H-L...there's no A between the H and the L. No- V. As in Vermin. Not B. V. As in Victor. Or Vermin. Or Vermouth...Yes. It's Bohemian. Yes, old Czechoslovakia. What part? I don't know, I married into the family..."

And then still having it show up wrong on the account.

Or better yet, her thinking that my youngest daughter's name is "Carrots."

You have no idea how often this happens, City of Warren. Don't take it personally. Its just been 11 long years of being married to a man with a weird last name and then making poor choices in naming my own children.

"J-A-I-M-E. Yes...that's correct...no, no...Not J-A-M-I-E....That's right A-I-M...yes. Think of it this way - 'Aim between the J and the E'."

Sincerely,
Jaime Hlavin
Mother of Carrots Hlavin

3 comments:

Genevieve said...

I am sitting at the dentist waiting for my appt and am laughing out loud. I am sure they think I have inhaled too much stuff.

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

HAHA!!!! You are so funny. When Madeline tells people her name, they think she's saying "Melon". I mean, come on! We're not in L.A. where people name their kids fruit names, like Apple.

Rachel said...

Jaime, you crack me up!

But don't worry... I completely sympathize on the spelling-out-the-weird-last-name issues.

Spaetzel is a trip for most people too... especially when you hyphenate a perfetly normal-sounding name like Florence in front of it. :)